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by Dennis Cole,
Metaphysical and Life Management Consultant.


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Sex, Sexuality & Relating
Q.
Dear Dennis,
Dear Dennis,
I have 5 specific questions, based upon sex,
sexuality and relating.

A.Dear Anthony, Thanks for your 5 importand questions. We will address them, one at a time, beginning with this frist one in this issue;
‘Extreme sexuality’ is a realtvie erm, for who gets to define “extreme.” our degree of sexuality and how that may factor in with our relating expereicnces, can vary widely with individuals. i can also vary with life cycles (“time”) and our growth as we learn through our relationships.
Another important factor to consider is that each of us have sset up a Soul’s “Game Plan” for Life focus, temperamental tendencies, and relating experiences. These prior-to-birth “seed potentials” can be better understood through Transpersonal Astrology and a look at the natal horoscope.
For now i will sayt that your question about “overcoming’ can be woothed by telling you that whatever we try to “get away from” will just come back to haunt us. There is no “Universal Law of Assertion”! A characteristic factor with addictions is that we can never seem to get enoug of what we don’t really like in the first place. Our “shadows’ will always come back to haunt us, until we learn how to use their contrasting negative feelings in order to get in touch with what kind of life we would prefer., but we can’t fight or ‘get away from “ anything that is on our mind so much!
It takes time, due to the momentum of habits of lifetime of living by default - as billions do - but we can decide to learn to care, so much, about how we feel, that we will begin to dwell on what we want - not on what we don’t want! The Universal law of Attraction will obety either vibrational command!
It may be helpful, in dealing with our various addictions, to consider the findings of Bruce Lipton, Ph. D. and others in the field of new biology (“The Biology of Belief-Unlieashing the Poser of Consciousness, Matter & Miracles”). The implications of their research have led to magor chages in understanding of Life.
Most interesting, in addressing our addictions, whether they involve food, sex, realting, psychological or other areas that may affect our will-being, is the research in Epig4enetics and cell biology. Basically they’re saying that our genes and our DNA do not control our biology. Instead it is signals-energetic messages - from outside the cellwall, including our positive or negative choice of thoughts, which control our DNA!
Sex is essential to fulfill that primal urge to get our genes into the next generations. But sex without love never leads to lasting satisfaction, for sex is a form of Spiritual Power.
“Overcoming extreme sexual urges” suggests that there is resisitance to chante and the intention to foin in with an ideal that perhaps was once held. perhaps that “place” desired involved sacred realting, such as in Tantra’s spiritual sexual practices.
The capacity to see the sexual pratner as a God subsitute can elevate the sexual experience to a place beyond genital orgasm. This is because our desire for love and relationship is a reflection of deeperurge to unitie in full intimacy with our Source Energy. The love and Joy we seek is actually about being in Alignment with the “heaven’ that is within us.
Ideally, a relationship should be based upon a two-way natural affection. Four love allows trust and this help with the surrendering of egos.
Sexual balance calls for integration of our masculine and feminine sides - our active desire and chemistry and our soul urges for love and commitment. This Martian and Venusion integration is hardly possible until we own our unconscious “stuff.” That, at first, undeveloped and unrecognizaed side of our psyche that we hate to see in others. There again, a study of the natal horoscoope in Astorlogy can be extremely useful in this “shadow integration” process.
Generally people who marry or form relationships before about age 30 (time of first Saturn return0 do so at an unconscious level. conscious relationships call for Self Knowledge and this is rarely possible until we’ve gone through some deeply transformative difficult experience(s) in life. And this is not easy until we know we are 100% responsible for all of our experiences. We will always attract what we think about most - whether we like it or not! This is know as the great Universal Law of Attraction. Like atracts like!
Aristotle said: “We are what we reatedly do. Excellence, therefor, is not an act but a habit.”
Sometimes we can change our lives, knee jerk reactions, or addictions by, for example, recalling a time or experience of a very high vvibration. One that feels positive and loveing - perhaps as it relates to feels poisitve and loving - perhaps as it relates to the one that’s trying to be overcome. Then squeeze your left ear lobe with this good-feeling substitute image in mind. Try to use this positive “anchoring” each time your “hot botton,” negative realted experience starts to arise again. This creating of a positivbe anchor can begin to put you back in charge of your experience.
In summary: Sex is a natural part of Life and its’ it’s imortant to understand that, how we feel about our choices and actions in life determines the qualityof our outcomes. Every situation we experience tends to pick up on wereever we last left our thoughts on that subject.
For example if our ‘story” is “extreme sexual urges,” and we come to realize that this is indicative of being out of Alignment with our Unconditionally loving Inner Being, then we might soothe this negative emotional state by choosing related, vibrational reality, thoughts that can bring us back into Alighnment with our Source Energy’s Love.
Sex without, the sacred and loving perspective, doesn’t lead to lasting satisfaction.
In Oneness,
Dennis

Dear Anthony, thanks again for your 5 (+”bonus”) questions. We addressed your first one (“How can men best overcome extreme sexual urges/desires?”) in the last “Metaphysics of Love...” column. Now I will respond to your remaining 4 (plus “bonus”) questions in this issue, beginning with your 2nd question:

2. “What is the best way/most productive way to get partners aligned sexually?”

A. The first step, Anthony, is to be “Aligned” with Self. In other words, when we acknowledge that Our Journey is actually about meeting Self - that “heaven is within” which is spoken of in the Christian Bible - then we will naturally be attracted to a partner who will be conducive to this “alignment.”

We’re in Alignment whenever we choose thoughts that bring us into feelings of Joy, Appreciation and Unconditional Love. These are “God” words!

By putting this “second coming” or “Inner Marriage” first, we remove resistance from our vibrations and we then open up to Allowing the attraction of such an Aligned outer experience. The Inner state always manifests as our outer experiences. We will always attract in accordance with what we’re thinking about most - whether we like it or not! You get to choose the thoughts!

It’s important to learn to not talk ourselves into anything. To not do things based on motivation, or desperation - or “what will ‘others’ think?” Instead , to act on inspiration. Joseph Campbell said it well: “Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open; sometimes in ways you least expected.” (paraphrased).

3. “If men/women are so different, how do ‘we’ create positive sexual experiences?”

A. In addition to what I’ve said, in response to your last question, we can say that, by your intention to be in a relationship based upon a natural two-way affection, then you’ve taken the first step. From there, a balance can be created between the “Mars” and “Venus” energies, because Love allows trust and trust allows surrender of egos. This can result in harmonious connection of your “God bodies” - your “chakras” or connections of Spirit to matter. Another factor is that men (Mars/Testosterone) tend to not fully surrender and enjoy sex because of the ego’s preoccupation with performance and goal orientation.

Tantric Yoga, or viewing the partner as a God substitute or “Sibling in Spirit,” can help bring forth the Oneness Consciousness that can open to Unconditional Love.

The best guidance, in all of this is to think and do only those things that make you feel good! But, to do so without an attitude (“... the hell with them, I’m going to be myself!” - smile) and without a sense of guilt!

Synastry (a branch of Astrology which reveals relationship potentials) can be an extremely helpful tool for creating/attracting Joyful relationships, because it helps reveal the “bigger picture” through Self and Spiritual knowledge (“Light”). (You can find more information on Synastry in “The Metaphysics of Love - The Journey to Meet Self,” 4 CD set.)

4. “If research has proven with age that women want more Quality of sex, and men want more Quantity of sex, then what energy is the happy medium or crux for the ultimate goal?”

A. Compromise, out of Love, while each should hold an image of how they would love to be but without worry about what the other might prefer. Then the Universe will orchestrate the way.

Wise Teachers of Teachers in the non-physical, going by the name of “Abraham,” state that the secret of Life is “Appreciation.” Besides our choice to participate in this “Eternal Adventure” with that “prayer without ceasing” - “Appreciation” - we can also attract good at the biological level by understanding and consciously working with, the new findings in biology. In short, we can control our biology by our choice of thoughts! Signals external to our cells affect our DNA and, thus, our biology. Actually, our life and relating experience are being created by our average dominant choice of thoughts (“signals”).

5. “What is the most relevant thing personally in sex and sexuality (although both are different this may mean the same thing)?”

A. Be “Self-ish” and allow others to be “them-Selves”! When we are living the life we intended before incarnating - when we are Joying our way to Joy by accessing thoughts that feel increasingly better - then we are Aligning with our One Source Energy. Sex is form of Spiritual Power.

There is not one thing more important than our choice to Love and Appreciate ourselves and others!

Your “Bonus” Question! “What does the Universe reveal about shared and loving multiple relationships?”

A. The operative word here is “loving.” Sex without some aspect of the Sacred or Unconditional Love, never results in lasting satisfaction. The Universe or Source Energy cannot judge, for there’s nothing but All-That-Is. Each of “us,” in our diversity, are unique Perspectives of our One Source.

Each person in a “multiple relationship” should feel good about it. Because any negative emotion means someone’s out of Alignment with Loving Source Energy. We all need to pay Attention to and care about how we feel. Nothing is more important than to choose thoughts that make us feel good! (Because, every Soul has their free-will to choose thoughts on purpose!)

Multiple relationships are possible when there is Unconditional Love. Any relationship can thrive under Unconditional Love, because it would mean that no longer would we need the other to behave in ways in order for us to choose Joy.

In Oneness,
Dennis


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