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by Dennis Cole,
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Minding Our Own Business
My husband is a type one diabetic. One of the effects is that he is impotent. Medicines like Viagra don’t help. I made the mistake of telling my mother. She thinks I should leave him because he can’t be “a real husband.” We’re not kids, we’re in our early 50’s. I love him, he loves me. I can’t get my mother off my back. I don’t dare say anything that is not positive about my husband or she is all over me to leave him (even if I don’t say anything she still is). Without losing the relationship with my mother how can I tell her our love and our relationship is #1 none of her business, #2 it’s not just about sex and #3 there’s other “things” we do together.
Thanks for any comments.
Sincerely, D.P.B.

A.You did not make a “mistake” in telling your mother! It may have been necessary to stir up some unresolved issues in your relationship with your mother. Issues, perhaps, stemming back to before you ever met your husband! For your mother’s part in this, one wonders if her projection into your marriage experience might have a bit to do with her marriage history?

On the other hand, your mother - no one - could say these things to you unless they reflected - at some level - a concern going on within you! If you were very clear on your intentions, on how you would prefer to feel and be in a marriage, then neither Life – nor others – could appear to mirror that unconscious desire and concern. However, if you worry about what others might think or feel, then you would attract more experiences to reflect those fears. No one in creation knows more than You, how you feel and what is important to you.

Your husband’s “dis-ease” is another factor in this “play” that you’re all in. We often can improve our relationship with someone – or something – by shifting our attention from what we don’t like, to a focus on what we really love about them or our relationship. All of our “dis-eases” are Soul’s way of getting our attention, to “wake up” and let go of resistance to change! Change to what our heart – our true Self -would prefer in order to feel better. In Joseph’s Campbell’s words: “Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid and doors will open – sometimes in areas you least expected.”

It’s soothing (healing) to know that we don’t need to change immediately to what we would prefer in our Life experiences; but if we would make a decision and intend change in our Now, then the changes begin – in the body and in our life – immediately. We just need to have faith, that once we ask, feel worthy, allow and expect, then the Universe will orchestrate the who, how, when details. King Solomon suggested: “A cheerful heart doeth good like a medicine.”

In Oneness, Dennis


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